Well, at the risk of all of my cool (which is very little) I have made a purchase that will forever cause my rock ‘n’ roll stature to walk with a limp. I’ve purchased a mini-van. NOTE TO ALL MEN: DON’T TAKE YOUR WIFE AND MOTHER OF 2 CHILDREN TO LOOK AT MINI-VANS IF YOU DON’T WANT TO BUY ONE!!!
Monday morning at 9:30 I was standing in front of the sink in our kitchen, and in response to my wife asking if we could go look at mini-vans said “No, I don’t want a mini-van. I will never own one.” Then to appease her I told her I would take her to look at them if she really wanted to go. At 6:00 that evening there I was pulling up the driveway in our new (but used) family bus.
Here’s the problem. Once you go look at them you kinda get sucked in. I mean those things are amazing. (I’m trying to make myself feel better) Seriously, they almost drive themselves these days. When we saw all of the doors open and close by themselves we were all hooked. I mean apart from the obvious convenience of it all that’s just freakin’ cool. (yes, I know they’ve been doing this for quite some time but I’ve been avoiding that reality) I made an offer without ever talking to my wife about it. The sales guy met me half way and I figured that was good enough. Game-set-match and Hunter had taken a right of passage fully into responsible husband-father-plaid shirt and Dockers-penny loafers-safe haircut-Clark W. GriswoldHOOD!
OK, here’s the reality. I used to have too much pride to drive a mini-van. However, 2 children will get you fed up with your cool little mid-sized SUV. You realize just how much something like a mini-van will help your wife. No more baby on one hip-pushing the cart through the Target parking lot with the other hand-hey, stay close to momma!!!! to the other one-while you search for your keys in order to unlock the 3 doors that you have to manually open then lift EVERYBODY including the groceries into the back of your inconvenient car that your husband spent way too much money on. No, you push buttons and kids jump in or are LOWERED not LIFTED into their carseats, after which you put the groceries into the spacious storage area in the back before pushing a button that will lower the hatch that you can’t reach back to a closed position.
Hey guys, make it easier on your wives and buy them mini-vans. Put your
pride down. By the way, I bet mine’ll be cooler than your’s.
Hello.
Tonight as I was spending some time in prayer it dawned on me how certain issues continue to arise in my conversation with God. I live a very blessed life and have so many things to be grateful for. However there always seems to be that one thing that no matter how hard or how long I ask God to take it away it still remains.
I have realized that sometimes that very thing is not placed there by the enemy but by God Himself. It seems that very thing is what causes me to humble myself daily and to pursue Him more. I know that God loves his children and I also know that being a good parent means sometimes allowing your children to go through things that can be tough. I am so concerned with
my own happiness and get frustrated when God allows something to remain in my life that conflicts with my being happy. Then it hits me that happiness is not one of the Fruits of the Spirit. He gives me love and joy and peace but happiness is different. I have an eternal joy in my life knowing Christ and knowing my eternal destiny. However, happiness can be fleeting and conditional relative to what I am going through at the time. I know God gave Job peace and patience and I believe a joy that truly surpassed ALL understanding but I would take a guess that he was probably not happy while enduring all that he did.
I am not trying to say we can’t be happy people, I am just learning to embrace even the difficult things in life knowing that my Father is in control and loves me so much more than I will ever know. So I turn to the love, joy, peace, and patience He gives.
“Live For You” was a very defining moment for Connersvine. Chris and I had been writing and playing together for a while and we were having fun. God was being glorified, ministry was happening to us and through us, and we were growing both individually and as friends. One day we were talking on the phone and I asked Chris if we could get together and write soon. It had been several days since we’d written together and I had some ideas I wanted us to explore. I told him that I felt we should write something intimate and worshipful that was full of passion and in the mid-tempo range.
The next night we met at our church, got out our laptops, and started the dialogue. However, there was very little dialogue this night. I asked him if he had any ideas. He said he did. I asked him to play them. He got out his guitar, and in typical Chris and Hunter fashion apologized and disclaimed what he was about to play completely. (just in case it was heinous) Then he opened his mouth and this came out:
I wanna live for You
I wanna die to me
I want to be emptied
I want to be freed
from all that holds me captive
all that brings me down
all that’s tried to lose me
now that I’ve been found
I wanna live for You.
After I dried my eyes and picked my jaw up off the floor I went into a rave session for about 10 minutes. There are very few moments where I’ve sensed the annointing of God so strongly on something. I made Chris play it over and over again just so I could hear it. He complied then said he had no more of the song written. So, we embarked on finishing this already incredible song in my opinion.
To be honest “Live For You” could have had “Ol’ MacDonald” as verses and “The HokeyPokey” for a bridge and would have still been a great song. Chris brought something to the table that night that was perfect apart from our culture and industry’s need for cookie cutter structure in a song. With this in mind I thought it would be fitting to write verses that were honest and simple. I remember wanting the verses to point to the chorus and really make it pop. The first verse is a vulnerable acknowledgement of God’s complete person and ability to cleanse us:
All that is within me
cries out to You my Lord,
my God, and King
For You alone can cleanse me
and set me free
The second verse is a picture I love. A picture of dependence and leaning set in the here and now. It is not an ideal to be attained. Rather, it is today’s need and longing for both the sustenance and intimacy of God:
Here in this hour
leaning on Your mercy
Your throne of grace
You are all I am after
The beauty of Your face
The bridge is my second favorite part of the song. As I’ve said before I believe a good bridge should sum up the overall message of the song AND iterate any final thoughts, emotions etc. This bridge is almost like a broken explosion of passion for God and a realization of who He is and who we are to Him. I love the melody also. It came from a little guitar part Chris had been working on:
All I am broken on the ground
In Your hands knowing You surround me Lord
Father now I know that I am Your’s
Every song is different. About 3 hours after Chris played the chorus for me the song was finished. There have been only a couple of minor modifications to it since that night. This song was and is the cry of Connersvine’s heart. We’ve played “Live For You” pretty much every time we’ve played or led worship since. The response to it has been overwhelming. Thankfully we had very little to do with it. God poured it out almost all at once and we just tried to be trustworthy with His idea. We carry this song with a deep fear of the Lord. This is a powerful message and we, by His grace, we will walk it out as we sing it.
Well, the tour is now over. Its such a bittersweet thing. I had a great time on tour and met so many great people. I was asked tonight by a friend what was the highlight of the tour was for me and I told him it had to be the relationships that were formed on the tour. You never know when you join a tour where you are traveling with 98 people who you will build lasting relationships with. Last night there was a lot of trading phone numbers and promising you would keep in contact.
Also, there is nothing like knowing that the songs that God has given you have now been shared with over three hundred thousand people! I can’t tell you how incredible it has been for our first tour to be with such an incredible group of people. We had a great time.
The reason I say “bittersweet” is because I now get to be home with my beautiful wife and spend a lot more time with her which is always a good thing. Keep check our myspace page to see when we are coming to a city near you!!
Tonight over dinner my wife and I had a talk about God’s desire for reconciliation. I recently had a text message conversation with an acquaintance of mine that turned into a horrible miscommunication and offense was taken by the other party. Sure I could just chalk this up to the perils of the technological age we live in and blame it on the cell phone company, but for some reason I have not been able to let this one go. Relationships are important to me even though I often talk about buying a house in the woods somewhere where my wife, dog and I could just disappear. We talked about how we will forever justify in our own minds why talking to the person face to face surely isn’t the answer. Confrontation is so difficult for both us. If we are so haunted by the lingering issues that remain unresolved why can’t I just bring myself to sit the person down and talk through it?
I had to ask myself the question, “why have I not created an environment amongst those important to me where it is natural to deal with offenses the moment they arise?” It should be obvious how much I care about the person when it affects me so much.
I know what I must do and I will do it…maybe reluctantly, maybe begrudgingly, but I will. Relationships are hard but the reality is that we are not alone on this earth and I am slowly realizing that the earth doesn’t revolve around me.
We are home and everyone is doing well. Moma and baby are healthy and happy. Mama and Daddy are tired though! Just wanted to thank you all for your prayers. Even though we may not know each other well it means so much to know of your thoughts and prayers. We have felt them in a strong way over the past few days. Thank you also for rejoicing with us in this time. Children truly are a reward from God.Now, on to the next Connersvine song!
I love country music. Chris does not love country music. If you get to know us you will find out that we both agree on the virgin birth, the redemption of God through Jesus, and the hope of eternal life. That’s about it. (oh yeah,……and Waffle House) We are extreme men that God saw fit to yoke together for a particular expression of ministry and music in our generation. It is our extremes that make Connersvine happen. As long as we are making albums there will be hints of rock, folk, country, soul, pop, and all kinds of indie stuff. That is who we are musically. Connersvine is a melting pot of influences, and I’d have it no other way.
“Lay Down” is one of our favorite songs as a band. It’s country feel gives it a unique personality that is rare in corporate worship music. It is one of the first songs we wrote once we decided to become Connersvine, and for that reason it will always have a particular sentimental value spiritually and historically. It was late morning sometime in the spring of 2003. I was in our basement having some alone time with just the Lord and my guitar. Sometimes in these moments I will start just playing a chord pattern and singing “randomness” over it. I don’t talk about this a lot because it could be misconstrued as insanity, but sometimes I just worship by opening my mouth and singing out my raw emotions and sentiments to God. A large portion of the time this sounds like gibberish or at best someone who has forgotten the words to a melody they never really knew in the first place. However, to God I believe it is a sweet sound. To my surprise on this particular morning I began to sing something that had both clear form and meaning:
All of my life I’m
happy to lay down
in light of Your glory
the light of Your glory
The lyric was exactly what I felt in my heart. I mean in light of the glory of God I am compelled to give Him everything. Thoughts and images began to flood my mind and soul about who, in my limited knowledge, God is and who He must be. I mean we aren’t talking about the Easter Bunny here. This isn’t a fat old figment of our imaginations dressed in a redsuit delivering gifts down people’s chimneys once a year. He either is or isn’t the King of the universe!! In that moment I was positive of the former and overcome with joy, awe, and willingness to do whatever He asked. This spontaneous chorus was a response to his lovely and powerful existence.
Originally “Lay Down” was just a series of choruses similar to the above mentioned. Truth be told I still wish they could be included in the recording. We play them live sometimes. Here they are:
All of my will I’m
happy to lay down
in light of Your wisdom
the light of your wisdom
All of my dreams I’m
happy to lay down
in light of your destiny
the light of your destiny
All of my heart I’m
happy to lay down
in light of Your love for me
the light of Your love for me
This song was Chris’ favorite idea of mine at one point, country feel and all! He would even lead it when he was leading on his own somewhere. Somewhere along the way we started trying to think of ways to make it a more album friendly song. We collaborated and decided it should have a more traditional structure. It needed verses, a consistent chorus, and a bridge. This wasn’t change for the sake of change however. We felt this was a real improvement that would help the song be embraced more over time.
Late that summer I reported to training camp at Rose Hulman in Terre Haute, IN with nothing to entertain myself with but a guitar. I was dead set to work on writing songs in my time off the field. At the top of my priority list was the refurbishing of “Lay Down”. Almost everyday Chris and I would talk on the phone and play our new ideas for one another. As per usual some of the ideas were good, some great, and some still make for a good laugh when they’re remembered.It was late afternoon sometime in the middle of our stay in Terre Haute as I remember and we had a night practice under the lights that evening. I had about 45 minutes before I was gonna go grab a quick bite to eat and head over to the locker room. I began to read through the Psalms while strumming my guitar through the “Lay Down” chord progression. Long story short the first verse was finished before I left for practice. It came quick but was still thoroughly thought through. I love the combination of Davidic psalm language in the first stanza withthe more “regular guy” folksy sentiment of the second:
(1) Listen to my humble cry
Listen to my earnest plea
Hear my voice as I am calling out
I’m on my knees again
(2) I don’t wanna go away
from this holy, holy place
I guess I am sayin’
Lord, I lay it all down again
For quite some time Chris and I would play this song with just one verse and a bunch of choruses. Soon Chris had the idea that we should write a bridge for it. The bridge’s origin came about just like it sounds. We were playing through this song looking for what felt right coming out of the chorus. I sang a line and Chris, the brilliant melodist, sang a linear response. It wasn’t an answer. No, it was a finish to the thought I had started. We decided that this was a really cool thing and finished the lyrics together. To me they are a simple circumstantial summation of the songs entire message: at all times God is worthy of our lives being laid down for Him.
In the morning when I rise to You
Lord, I lay it downIn the evening under skies from You
Lord, I lay it downEveryday and all my life for You
Lord, I lay it down
I know we are out of order here but the song was 3 years old when the second verse was written. However, it might be my favorite part of the song. Many times when we are writing I will have an idea that I feel like is really inspired, really different, really a risk, etc. Typically Chris or whoever is in the room will look at me like I’m crazy, then act like they didn’t hear me, then hope it all just goes away. A lot of them should just go away. Thankfully, this one didn’t.The first stanza of this verse might seem kinda risky:
When I wake up in the night
and I feel You in my room
Something in Your voice is drawing me
to follow after You
I love being able to say exactly what I feel in a song. This line is not about a stalker or burglar or anything like that. It is about times when I can feel the presence of God in the night. Sometimes I sense Him calling me out of bed to meet with Him. Now, I’d love to say that I answer the call every time, but I can’t. Sleep is a powerful force as well and not nearly as gentle. When I do answer the call, however, He is always faithful to be there for intimate fellowship. (I feel like this is a journal entry more than a blog post.) At any rate, I love being able to put something in a song that is honest and real even if a little weird sounding also. The second stanza completes the thought and points to the chorus:
to the place where I belong
far away from incomplete
where I give it all to You
because You gave all for me
“Lay Down” will always be a special song for us to play. It is our prayer that it is a challenging but hopeful way for you to express your will to lay your life down for a master worth so much more than anything in existence. Thanks for reading this. I know it was long, but it means a lot that you would take the time to understand the heart behind this work.”Live For You” is next. All I can say is that Chris is an anointed man. I’ll fill you in next time!
Tonight God revealed Himself in a new way to me. Recently I listened to a talk I found online by Brennan Manning. In the talk Brennan shared a story about a man that was about to die and told Brennan about how for the last two years he would set up a chair next to him and talk to Jesus as if He were right there next to him like you would talk to a friend. I loved this picture and the vulnerability it took for a grown man to talk to what appeared to be nothing more than an empty chair.
So, tonight after my wife and dog went to sleep and after watching pointless things on television and surfing the web I decided to put this into practice. It was kind of awkward at first. I was laying on the couch and every time I shifted positions I feared that I would kick Jesus. Once I got over the initial discomfort I could truly feel Him listening to me. I began to apologize for my broken, sinful, selfishness. As I did this I could just feel His grace. I realized that I have made my work my relationship with Him. I go out every evening and sing songs about Him and talk to youth pastors about what He has done and somehow have made this my
“personal relationship” with Him.
Just as I began to start feeling guilty for how stupid I can be I felt Him say that he knows that I am a sinner. God created us a people that need Him. God could have created us perfect people if He wanted to who did nothing but praise Him and make all the right decisions but He didn’t. His servant-nature created a people that need Him daily to survive. This is such a humbling revelation. The all-powerful, perfect God wants to serve us and love us despite our sin. This little exercise has taught me so much about the intimacy that God wants to have with me and I hope to be forever changed by it.
So here it is. My new tattoo. It didn’t hurt nearly as much as I thought it would. I know many of you think I have fallen off the deep end and sold my soul to the rock and roll lifestyle but no, this has not happened.
Connersvine
